Old Joe McCarthy is Visiting

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October 5, 2009, Kolkata: It has been confirmed that the ghost of Joseph Raymond McCarthy, Republican US Senator from the state of Wisconsin between 1947 and 1957, famous for his purges against Communists has come to haunt the Writers’ Building in Kolkata. The latest manifestation of this haunting was through the person of Sri Ashok M. Chakraborty, IAS, the Chief Secretary of West Bengal warning those supporting and associating themselves with Mr. Chhatradhar Mahato directly or indirectly were also liable to be punished under relevant sections of the UAPA. Through Sri Chakraborty, the Senator went on to emphasize that the names that had been obtained from lists (by the police) from suspected Maoists, those helping them overtly or covertly and those advocating Mr. Mahato’s release were also inviting punishment.

According to reliable sources, the beleaguered West Bengal government has retained the services of Senator McCarthy on an honorary basis on the understanding that the Senator will deliver unto Buddhadeb Dasgupta, what he managed to do for Dwight Eisenhower. The immediate task to be executed by the Senator is to establish the prevalent Maoist presence in Singur, Nandigram and Lalgarh in the true spirit of Shonar West Bengal.

The government seems to be more than satisfied with his services so far. To quote a senior Home Ministry official working closely with the Senator, on conditions of anonymity; “the Senator’s thoroughness is obvious from the fact even a 3 year old girl, Payal Bag did not escape his list for conspiring to bomb the Block Development and District Magistrate’s offices in Singur”. The official also pointed out that the two factors that is likely to contribute to the Senator’s success is the suspension of the operation of Part III of the Constitution of India, the Code of Criminal Procedure and the Indian Evidence Act and media cooperation in spreading awareness about the dangers threatening Bangla pride.

The Senator has also managed to successfully demonstrate the nexus between Chhatradar Mahato, Kolkata based intellectuals, artists and writers, Human Rights Organisations, Maoists and cross border infiltration.

Our special correspondent in New Delhi reports that following the initial success of the project in West Bengal, the Union Government is thinking of creating a Special Task Force headed by Senator McCarthy to adapt McCarthyism to Indian conditions. As an emerging global leader, it is important that India emulates the United States in conformity with Indian culture. Sources reveal that Senator McCarthy is keen on retaining Raman Singh, Chief Minister of Chattisgarh and incorporating some of the salient features of Salwa Judum to take McCarthyism to its next level. Technical inputs would be provided by Nandan Nilekeni in his capacity as the Chairperson of the Unique ID Authority. The ghosts of Richard Nixon and Edward J. Hart are the other American notables who will also be invited to be part of the Task Force.

To be called the Un-Indian Activities Commission, this Task Force is expected to help the Government of India in cleaning up militancy in Kashmir and the North-East, Naxal menace, Islamic fundamentalism, secessionist tendencies and the newly emerging Dalit insurgency specifically and to contain Un-Indian dissent and expose the role of Pakistan in general. When contacted through a medium, Senator McCarthy refused to comment in the interest of the integrity of the nation and because of the sensitive nature of the activities of the proposed Task Force.