Diary on January 25, 2010

Tags: Cancer, Chemotherapy, Support System, Surviver | 1 comment | 386 views

It has been a long time since I have written on the computer this way. I usually keep a small notebook to jot down thoughts but it is not anything cohesive with complete sentences.
Suffice it to say that I am surviving chemo. The last chemo agent was highly toxic and made me very sick for most of the time. I am at City of Hope Hospital, Duarte, California now.The environment is so much better as well as the knowledgeable compassionate staff. I am feeling much better most of the time but there are still some days when I feel completely awful. This is due to the way this combination of chemotherapies work together. It still affects the soft tissues but in a different way, so instead of leaving me with the debilitating nausea, I have other side effects instead. This happens to be one of those days. My face is sore from the sores in my mouth and sinuses and throat. I have used the medications given to me as directed but I still feel like I was hit in the face with a shovel. My muscle and bone tissues are also affected so I am having more than the usual amount of joint and bone pain also. It is on days like today when it feels like I am fighting the cancer. I am grateful however as now I have more days when I feel almost normal, but the sense of normalcy is ever changing so maybe it can be better described as the new normal and functional.
A volunteer agency notified me that there was an available volunteer in my area to help with some of the tasks that I am still having problems with, such as shopping for food and washing clothes. I am not sure however if he is going to work out. When he came for the interview he stayed for four hours and invited himself to dinner with my mother and I. He is not perceptive t o subtle hints and it seemed like he left only when he was ready to, not when we were finished with our business discussion. It was all somewhat awkward and strange. I don’t want to complain as I am happy that someone can come and help, but on the other hand, I don’t think I want to have to be forced to be rude and kick this guy out when he is finished helping me. He seems like a lonely sort, his wife works nights and they both live with his mother in law, so it was as if he did not want to go home to that. He also decided that it would be a great idea if I taught him how to knit so he could make things for his baby that is due in June. So I am wondering who is actually the volunteer here? One opinion is that I give him a chance and just be more assertive. But I don’t think I should have to worry about something I did not ask for…I just don’t know what I am going to do yet. But I don’t think it would be appropriate for a married man to linger too long here with me, and that doing so could lead to talk of unseemly behavior and rumors. I am glad that my mother was with me for that evening to witness what he was like.
I am enjoying more of a social life, from attending church again. I am also getting used to the disruption of being away from home a few nights out of the week, but it is rough as I am missing someone very special to me in the process. This situation is more than anyone has planned for or expected and I am the most thankful for the patience and open minded ness of all my loved ones. So that’s the page for today, the good and bad of it.

February 1st, 2010 | Category: self | (5 votes, average: 3.60 out of 5)
 Loading ...