Sachch Boley Kauwa Kaatey-III

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Cartoon by K.P Sasi

Scene Five:

Kamdev is speaking to someone on the phone. Puts the phone down.

Kamdev: Nickkerji. The American consultant will come soon.

The consultant Jatasar comes in with his suitcase, wearing a hat and sunglasses.

Jatasar: Good morning gentlemen!

Nickkerji: Good morning? It is already night here!

Jatasar: I react only to the time in America. It is morning there right now!

Nickkerji: And why is your name Jatasar?

Jatasar: I am the permanent advisor to Jindal, Tata and Essar and hence the name Ja-Ta-Sar.

Nickkerji: But these are Indian companies. What is American about them?

Jatasar: Any corporation that grows above a certain size and uses certain evil methods to grow further automatically becomes American. I don’t care where my clients come from. I am interested only in where they are going and how much they are paying.

Nickkerji: Sounds like the right man for our job. What can you do to cure our Chief Minister of his sudden habit of telling the truth on every occasion? Surely there must be a solution for this in America?

Jatasar: Sure, we just murder people who tell the truth. No problem, can be arranged. Tell me when and where.

Kamdev: No, Jatasar. You don’t understand. This CM is our man and is valuable to us. We just want to cure him of his habit of telling the truth. We don’t know what happened to him. He was telling perfect lies all his life and suddenly changed overnight.

Jatasar: Ok, I understand. If he has started telling the truth abruptly I suspect there must have been a contamination of his heart and mind for some reason.

Nickkerji: What do you mean?

Jatasar: It is not easy to convert people from telling lies to telling the truth unless there is a great shock of some kind. Maybe he got poisoned with something.

Kamdev: I hope he was not experimenting with some herbs that make people tell the truth! He told me once that he wanted to prove that narco-analysis was practiced in the Vedic period also! That is what must have happened- he found the herb and took it by accident!

Jatasar: The only way out now is to do a brain and heart transplant. It will be expensive but can be done. We will replace them with artificial ones that are specially manufactured by the Pentagon’s psychological warfare division. Many politicians and leaders around the world have them these days- particularly in the Third World countries.

Nickkerji: We don’t want him to have a completely American heart and brain. That will make it difficult for us to do politics in India. Can you make them in such a way that there is a Vedic touch to them?

Jatasar (laughs): Of course we will make the heart and brain with a big ‘Om’ inscribed on them if you want. We can tailor all American warfare products to suit local needs. That is…if you pay the right kind of money!

Nickkerji: You must give us a discount though from your usual prices. The CM has a very small brain and is practically heartless! So there is not too much to replace I think and the work should be quick! He was always a good liar in the past!

Jatasar (becoming serious): That is what they say about all the politicians around the world we have operated on. OK, I will give you a concession if you promise to get me more such clients in India in the future.

Scene Six:

The CM has woken up and is trying to get up. The Dakutar, the male nurses and Jatasar have just finished operating on him. Everyone around cheers.

Shouts of the crowd: Mukhya Mantriji ki jai ho! Jhoot bolney waley Mukhya Mantriji ki jai ho! Nickkerji, Balwa Julum, Kamdev, Jatasar and Ghulam are standing and watching the CM from the sidelines.

CM: (addressing the crowd): I am completely cured now! Whatever truth I may have uttered due to the contamination of my brain and heart in the past few days are all deeply regretted. Please forget them and believe only the lies I am about to tell you from now on. Now I am ready to continue my mission to give you all the Ram Rajya my party has been promising. I will serve you so well for the rest of my life that all of you will remember it all your life…. ( his voice tapers off)

Nickkerji: ( wiping tears from his eyes) This is a truly emotional moment for me. He has already told five lies in the first sentence he spoke after the operation. He remembers everything I taught him when he came to me the first time in his half-pants. He used to be so cute with his long, smooth legs!

Balwa Julum: Thank God he is back to normal once again! I thought I was going to be unemployed soon, the way he was going on exposing our attacks on the tribal people.

Kamdev: He was the most corrupt chief minister we had before he started telling the truth. Now I think he will beat all his former world records in corruption. Thanks to you Jatasar of course!

Jatasar: No need to thank me. This is a professional job, which has been paid for with money stolen from your country’s ordinary folk. And this will help my corporate clients too, from whom I will make additional money. In fact I should thank you for getting me this contract.

(turning to the audience) What I have not told anyone so far is that the artificial heart and brain of the CM can be manipulated with a remote control that is still in America. He can be switched off and on like a color TV set any time the Americans want. In fact, he can be controlled easily with a mere phone call from America.

Presses the remote control button and the CM walks like a robot turning around to the command of Jatasar’s finger movements.

Ghulam: Only the people of India can now save India from these remote-controlled politicians running a remote-controlled democracy.

END